Travelling Hopefully

'What's wrong with Andy?' is something people occasionally say to me. 'Nothing' I say.  'He's just a variation on the norm!'

Andy is 8 years old.  He is the middle child of three boys.  Andy is a child who is described as having special needs.  He is a child of extremes and his effect on those around him can be extreme.  He hugs people, he can read a map accurately upside down and has a face full of freckles.  He also kicks furniture, screams and throws things.  This is his tale so far.

Andy has had seven operations on various parts of his anatomy.  Most of his operations were conducted when he was very small (under two).  However he has recently had another operation which was traumatic because for the first time he was frightened.  He is also short sighted.  We are well known at the eye hospital!  Responsibility for his glasses remains an ongoing battle.  Fortunately we get them free!

The realisation that Andy had further, more profound problems dawned slowly.  Although born with some minor birth defects his growing difficulties were actually brought to our attention by his pre-school when he was about three.  For a long time we had assumed he would mature and 'grow out' of his wild, unpredictable behaviour.  He would run round aimlessly, he could never concentrate on anything apart from the telly and his speech was near gobbledygook.  I had just had my third baby and even then I don't think we grasped what was going on.

Andy was assigned a helper at pre-school.  He was then quickly, but not formally, assessed by a child psychologist.  Her verdict was 'definitely mainstream'.   We hadn't even realised that he may have been a candidate for a special school.  Were we sticking our heads in the sand?  I don't think so.  Andy's difficulties then and now remain impossible to pigeon hole.

He has a Statement of Special Educational Needs and has help available to him 20 hours a week.  In Key Stage 1 he was taught to read and write on a one to one basis.  He is no longer taught on his own.  Indeed academically his work is almost average.  However, school life does present difficulties for Andy.  He finds turn taking challenging.  He needs a strict routine which, if upset, can cause problems.  His largest areas of difficulty are his behaviour and perception of the world.  Andy's understanding of the world is limited.  Even at eight years old he can't understand why wandering off on his own for nearly two hours should give me grief!  But he can learn from each experience.  Andy's behaviour is challenging (a teacher euphemism for naughty!!?) He has tantrums which, although short lived, in a big eight year old can be spectacular.

Andy's problems probably have had an impact on family life.  His behaviour can be stressful for our eldest child who is nine.  He went through a phase of loathing Andy.  He does now seem to be growing out of this and appears to be more accepting of Andy.  He is slowly growing to understand Andy's limitations and is making allowances for him.  Any fights they now have are normal sibling squabbles.  Do we make allowances for Andy at home?  Not much.  He doesn't get longer on the computer just because he'll have a tantrum when it's his brother's turn.

Would we have done anything differently?  I don't think so.  We sought help from professionals when it was needed.  When he was about four, Andy's behaviour was driving me mad.  I threatened (only half heartedly) to throw him out of the window.  He was seen promptly by a magical child psychologist who taught me that I was the adult and he needed guidance (and rules) from me.  We've developed close, almost daily, contact with his support staff at school.  We have a frank and close relationship with his head teacher.

What of the future?  No one knows what the future will bring for their child.  Most parents seek to prepare their children in the best way they can for adulthood.  But Andy's goalposts are in a different place from other children's.  The temptation is to worry.  I did at the beginning.  But you soon realise that fretting over the future is a negative waste of energy.  That is why our family motto is to 'travel hopefully'.

I remember once wondering if having a 'label' for Andy would make life easier. Not now.  Andy is a true, unforgettable individual.

If you have a story to share about your expereinces, please email sue@pleasemiss.co.uk.

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